The telltale signs that a relationship is headed nowhere are always there for everyone to see, only that some people choose to cling on, hoping that they might fix things along the way. If you are out to get a long term relationship which might eventually culminate into a marriage, then it is always important to be very careful when choosing a partner.
If you discover early enough that your worldviews are totally different and you don’t share the most important goals in life, then chances are that you may not have any future together. In this case, trying to shape the other person so that they become the kind of person you would like to spend the rest of your life with might be an exercise in futility.
Breaking up a relationship before it takes root, over a prolonged period of time, might be the easiest and best option available to you. However, the hardest part of it all is telling the person with whom you are already in a relationship that it is over. This is especially tough when you have already confessed your love for them. Most people have no idea how to go about ending a relationship that doesn’t seem to have any promising future prospects.
So, what is the right way to end a relationship that has no future? While there might be no right or wrong way to go about it; there are guiding clues that would be applicable in most circumstances. In most cases, carefully choosing the place where you will break the news and amicably end the relationship goes a long way to ensure that it happens as smoothly and as painlessly as possible.
Before having this tricky conversation, it is also important to know what you are not supposed to do in the process of ending up things. The biggest mistake most people do is performing the disappearing act on someone without having the courtesy to let them know that it is over! Also being vague, like claiming that you need a break when you know too well that you want out, might not help things much.
Here are a few tips on how to end things amicably.
Have Some Empathy For The Other Person
The fact that you were attracted to them in the first place means that they are not really bad people at heart. Therefore, it is important to put yourself in their position in order not to brutally hurt their feelings. For instance, if you are not sure about where or when to break up; just ask yourself: if I were in their position, what would I expect or want? Answer this question honestly. If you would personally want a one-on-one meeting followed by a frank explanation, just go ahead and do that.
However, if you have been dating for only a few weeks, a phone call might suffice. As much as the breakup conversation might be one of the most difficult things to do, avoiding to break up when you know that your affair is headed nowhere is equally injurious. Nobody wants to be stuck in a relationship where the partner always feels that a breakup would have been the best option. This might be a total waste of time for both partners and it might eventually end up in regrets.
Avoid Apportioning Blame
Apportioning blame during a breakup is one of the most common and biggest mistakes that many people make. You would be better off using “I” statements often in any difficult conversation, in order to avoid blaming or even attacking the other party. It is not a must that you explain the fine details of all the reasons why you need a breakup. However, if need be, just choose a general reason to back up your decision.
While some people always want to know why you have chosen to break up with them, in order to have closure or learn something from it for future purposes, others don’t want to hear the fine details. So, on this one, it is always important to take the lead from the other person.
Carefully Choose The Location Where You Will Break The News
The location for the breakup might have a huge impact on how the other person reacts and whether they will feel secure. Just try to imagine how the conversation will pan out by asking yourself questions like: will the conversation be emotional, heated, or sad? Is the other person likely to react aggressively? This will help you to choose your “where.” Ensure the place you choose has some element of privacy.
However, less privacy might be better when you want to keep your partner’s reaction under some control or if the physical attraction between the two of you is so strong that you might risk getting distracted from the main agenda of the day.
Choosing to break up with the other person in their home might make the conversation quite tricky. You might end up becoming more uncomfortable and it may take longer, or you it might take a dramatic turn where your partner might begin yelling or even try to bar you from leaving.
Lying about your reasons for the breakup might not be advisable, even when it’s meant to cushion the other person from the obvious pain. You also shouldn’t be mean to the other person. If the other party asks for an explanation, just give one or two reasons without necessarily going into the details.
Set Some Rules Of Engagement Going Forward
Once you have broken the news of a breakup, you need to set clear-cut boundaries. For instance, if there are any shared social functions that might be coming up, agree on who will attend them and talk about whether you want have any form of contact in future. The days that follow a breakup are always not some of the best, but it is normally advisable to avoid any physical contact. Some people make the mistake of falling into the temptation of having what is commonly referred to as “breakup sex.” This might change everything.
Avoid Assuming All Responsibility For The Breakup
In any breakup, it is important to prioritize your own health and wellbeing. Hurt is always inevitable but you must learn to separate the situation from yourself. You don’t have carry their issues and own them all through.
A break up may not be the most pleasurable experience, but it is always necessary when you feel that your affair is not headed anywhere. It is for your own good in the long run.